Danger Of Healthy Comparison

Mark Twain said, “Comparison is the death of Joy”. We hear time and again how comparison is the root of all inferiority. That the moment we begin examining other people’s strength against our most obvious weaknesses, our self-esteem begins to crumble. But I’ve always been a fan of comparison. It’s been hard to stand up and own up to it because I’ve never really been able to defend my opinion about it.

I’ve always taken a different approach to comparison. Frankly speaking, I’ve never really wanted to be like anyone, not because I think I’m better than anyone, but because I know I’m on a different path (and so is everyone). As a mentor of mine once put it, “No one has been to the place I’m going so there’s no point asking their advice”.

“Don’t waste your time learning about others so you could compare yourself to them. Every flower blooms at a different pace”

You see, I often set high goals for myself. Very high goals Goals that are somewhat unreachable at the time they are being set. After those goals are set, I always go looking for people who have achieved such goals or are about achieving them. These folks are often much more advanced than I am in age, stature, and life experiences. I find out as much about their life, and see where they were when they were my age – And then I begin to compare their younger self with my current self.

This often exposes my weaknesses in a massive way, and the good thing is, it makes me aware of where I need to improve. My comparison with the younger version of my unseen mentors births a form of inspiration which leads to my achievement of certain goals. My goal is never to eventually become them, but to learn from their mistakes, and see how they reacted to certain circumstances I may face.

There is, however, a danger to this – When I find out about their younger self, and I realise I am way behind, a sense of discouragement engulfs me and I suddenly find myself giving excuses as to why it’s too late for me to achieve those goals. Most a times I find myself comparing myself to the present self of these individuals, despite their advancement in age and experience. Some good fortune sometimes has come out of this because it makes me work extra hard, thereby advancing myself in ways well beyond my peers, but I often end up losing the mental battles. Even though those around me see the improvement, my mind feels I’ve lost and I’m not getting anywhere.

“I’ve decided to take my own path. I’ve decided to follow my instinct. I’ve decided to always blame myself. No one every got anywhere blaming others.”

I love to read biographies of the successful, and sometimes it’s hard not to compare myself to the younger version of the person I’m reading about. I find myself calculating their age at every stage of the book just to compare my current self with their younger self.

But I’ve realised that my passion isn’t their passion, my path isn’t their path. We don’t all take the same road to success. We don’t all sail together to fulfillment. So whatever your passion is, keep doing it. Don’t waste your time learning about others so you could compare yourself to them. Every flower blooms at a different pace. The fact that someone became an expert in sewing at the age of 23 and made millions, doesn’t mean you can’t be an expert in sewing at 35 and also make millions. Comparison will always deplete the actuality of the things compared. Be careful never to fall for it.